April 2012 - Cancer is back!

I have been feeling sharp pains in my left side for a couple of weeks.  Reminds me of a rib injury; hurting sharply when I cough, laugh or breath too deep.  So back I go for the following up testing we had scheduled for Mid April.  The April tests, including a crappy thoracentesis procedure (they jab a small tube in your back to remove a sample of fluid), showed that the cancer is back.  So here we go again. ;-(

I made three trips to Houston in April. Tests, tests and first new chemo treatment.

Chemo treatment this time will be mostly accomplished in Midland, praise God!  The travel between Houston and Midland was almost as hard as the infusions. OK, that's not true, but it was exhausting on me and my care givers.  Libby and Nita have dealt with the bulk of traveling with me and I will never be able to reward them for all their time and love.

I have three cycles of chemo to complete, each cycle is 4 weeks.  Week one and three in the cycle includes multiple drugs with week two just using taxol.  Week four is an 'off' week with no treatment.  If everything goes according to schedule, I will be doing the treatments through July.  These treatments don't seem to be as hard on me as the chemo last year, but here is fair warning - the treatments include some steroid so be ready for the mood swings! ;-). Hair is gone again just in time for the Summer heat.

Here is a picture before starting chemo again so you can see what my hair looked like before we started again.  I was amazed that I didn't have any gray hair!

So Far So Good - March 2012

Getting my strength back took longer than I thought.  Whew, it has been a struggle.  Starting in February I can work around the house, garden etc. for about 2 hours at my full speed (which is of course flat out faster than most people will ever go) then the crash comes and I take a much needed nap.

I have to say, that I did not mind missing my first 1099 submittal cycle in 30 years.  I was surprised that I didn't much give it a second thought.  Just shows you that my priorities have changed greatly this last year.

Our whole family was busy getting over a terrible sinus infection that had me in Lubbock with the kids for almost all of January. We took turns taking care of Evie, napping and fixing meals.  Evie was the best patient (even with all the teeth she is cutting).  The rest of us bitched and moaned as we began to feel better, trips to the ice cream shop where the highlight of the week.

Evie had her first birthday in April.  We celebrated with a wonderful lunch made by Kelsey and a few close family.

Four Generations

Andy, Kelsey & Evie - 1st Birthday Family

Radiation and all that JAZZ!

Boy, time sure does fly when you are having fun... Duh, not really, it's just the meds. ;-)

My entire December 2012 was spent in Houston, in a cheap apartment, having radiation and discovering that the lymph removal had given me lymphadema (a condition that causes the fluid to build up in my left arm).  The twice-a-day radiation treatments lasted only about 20 minutes or so and did not hurt.  The position they put you, all twisted and with my arm over my head, hurt and made my arms and neck fall asleep, but no big deal.  Each night the "red" starts to come on and by each Friday you think that you can't take the "sunburn" anymore.  Then you have two days off for the weekend! Yippee, I called it the cooling off days!  Then Monday rolls around and waa-laaaaa, it's time to do it all over again.  Now the physical therapy is a totally different deal, Little Marigold was so quite and sweet and then she kept trying to break my arm off! At least I only had to see her twice a week. ;-)

I was so blessed with people that came to stay with me. Both friends and family volunteered to come and stay with me the five weeks I was in Houston.  Not to mention all the Midland friends that helped with mail and checking on my house for me during one of the coldest December's we have had in years.  Seriously, cancer has taught me a lot this last year.  It's brought my family closer, my friends were always close but now we don't hold anything back, it's taught me to be grateful for every day.  But, as my niece Heather said, "cancer, it's time for you to pack up and hit the trail...."

I gained 5 pounds in Houston during December.  We took advantage of all my favorite places to eat and found 1 or 2 new spots.   I am in a good fighting weight if we have to do any more chemo.  

Kelsey, Andy and pretty baby Evie came down to be with me for Christmas.  We had a wonderful dinner purchased at Whole Foods (yummy and just heat and eat!) and Evie turned into the poster baby for the radiation waiting room. "There's that BABY" was heard over and over again down the hall and in the waiting room. Evie was a hit with all the ladies and put smiles on our faces.

We didn't do anything too wild for New Years's, but by the look on Evie's face, we sure had fun!  As you can imagine, and as I have said over and over again, Evie is my best medicine.  Well, and Kelsey too, she is always my baby.

And meanwhile "back at the doggie ranch", Ruby was kicking back with my brother-n-law (Steve) and Chili. Pretty good life if you can get it. ;-)

The burn from the radiation took a month to get better.  It was purple/red and really icky with the open sores that came up, but thank God no infection.  I tell ya, I can wrap a good burn wound now so if anyone out there comes up with 2nd-3rd degree burns, I'm your nurse.  

These are my boost plates.  The radiation treatments have two stages, regular 20 min deal and then concentrated blasts that they call "boost".  The boost is focused thru a lead plate that is designed for each patient by the rad/oncologist.  My boost plates just happened to be my whole chest and side.  I wanted to bring these things home, but alas, the darn things weigh about 40 lbs. each. (and the technician about had a rigor when I asked.)

While my niece Heather and my sis Nita were in town, we managed to run off down to Galveston one Sunday.   Heather painted my toenails first and then we just took the rest of the day off from Cancer. Went on a ferry ride and got our toes into the sand on a beach.  Nita, my mother hen, kept yelling at me to not cut my feet on anything (she worries about the infections).  We couldn't pry her out of the car though. She is not into the sand thing!  And we had a wonderful flounder dinner at Guido's in Galveston.   It was great!

By the time I finished, I was really ready to leave Houston.  So I was glad to ring the bell out of both Radiation and my physical therapy. My sister, Nita and the gals that "cooked" me where awesome and were glad to seem me finish.

I hope never to stay as long in Houston, again.

Pie Baking!

Took the time on the weekend before leaving for Radiation to go up to Kelsey's in Lubbock to bake some pies for her family.  The Segers and the Gallaghers have been so wonderful to us this year and we wanted to do something special for them before I ran off to Houston once again.  Chocolate and coconut cream pies were made and Evie helped with the whole ordeal.  Hope all of you have as much fun in the kitchen as we do!

Cancer Etiquette for Dummies

Over the last 9 months, it has been both my good luck and pleasure to have wonderful friends and family help me.  However, occasionally on this up-hill road, I have met or been re-introduced to friends and family that just don't know how to talk to a cancer patient.

Cancer patients aren't really any different than normal people, we just have a heightened sense and appreciation for our health and lives.   In casual conversations with us, do not immediately say, "oh yeah, my mother/aunt/sister died from breast cancer."  Come on, even a five year old would be a little smarter!  Do not treat us as if we are made of glass, do not ignore us by withholding invitations (if we feel like going/doing it we will, we're not stupid-just sick) and hug us as often as you can.  Don't assume that we don't want to do something, ask us.

If you are not comfortable being around us, the feeling will probably be mutual so just stay away.  If you want to share a few moments with us out of your busy day, don't ask us to call you when it is convenient, just call and say "hey, I have some time to spare this afternoon, are you free to go get ice cream!"  Cancer patients and me especially love ice cream. (or Pie, I would go for coffee and pie just about any time.)  Just call us, we need the input of human kindness most of all.

You need to know the following:  During Chemo, eating is touch and go. Soups, malt-0-meal, ice cream and smoothies are what a patient survives on, when the mouth ulcers will let them.  During Surgery we eat anything we can get our hands on - but we can't drive anywhere or lift even 10 pounds.  Offer to just drive us around and get us out of the house!  During Radiation we will still eat just about anything.  We can do more for ourselves but we are scared that the treatment may not have gotten everything and we need to keep our minds completely occupied.  The twice a day radiation that IBC patients have to go thru is just crummy.  The positions that they put you in can cause a lot of cramping, backache and some short term numbness.  But other than that, the radiation itself doesn't hurt during the first couple of weeks.  I'll let you know if it gets worse/better as I go through my schedule.

You learn who your REAL friends are during cancer treatments.  They are the ones that don't treat you like you have leprosy and will go out of their comfort zone to make you feel loved.  We are humans that are in a battle for our lives, but we need to live today as much as we can. We eat out, go to movies and sleep a lot. Sometimes we want company and sometimes we just want to be still and enjoy the quite.

Go out there and smile at people, hug them when you can, shake a hand and express your gratitude for your friendships.  Treat Cancer patients like anyone else, except maybe love on us just a little bit more than normal, we appreciate it.

Surgery and Recovery

Sorry it has taken me so long to write.  The week of my surgery was also my birthday and we celebrated by having a  home cooked dinner with Nita, Mother, Kelsey and Evie in Midland.  Then when we shipped out (Libby and I) we had a wonderful dinner with her nephew Sam (we will be talking about this meal for a long time - can you say white chocolate bread pudding - yummy) on Sunday and a great Italian dinner with Sherry and Barry on Monday night.  It was great to have Sherry and Barry come down to root me on thru surgery.  On Tuesday, my breast removal went well.  The staff at MDAnderson is the best!  Where else in the world can you go in for surgery and have peace and quite to sleep..

The drainage tubes were a bitch to deal will.  Was able to have one removed after 3 weeks but the last tube  stayed in until just a few days before thanksgiving.  Working on getting my range of motion back.  Kelsey and Evie were waiting for me when I arrived home from Surgery (once again, Libby traveled with me for the ordeal and stayed with me in Houston for 4-5 days).  It was amazing how good I felt after surgery. Oh, maybe that was the pain meds ;-).  But I do believe that the block that they used in surgery had a good 10 day effect to minimize the pain.  It was so funny, one minute I am sitting on the side of the bed talking to the anesthesiologist while she marks my neck, a nurse walks around in front of me-smiles and says "I'm just going to place my hands on your shoulders to balance you." the next thing I know I am waking up from surgery.  Now that's the way to do it!  Good meds thereafter made the first week bearable.  Not too many could or would stand around to help with the daily work on the tubes but I managed just fine.  Thank God I do not have a queasy stomach. ;-)  Nita had made me a whole batch of different sized pillows for my birthday and they really helped me and gave Evie something to play with. (See the photo below for one of the pillows Nita made for me.)  Evie and Kelsey are my best Medicine any time of day or night.  I sat in he floor with Evie my first week of recovery and played and played until we both took naps. Kelsey continues to text me and send pictures of Evie and the effect of viewing those photos is marvelous.

About 10 days after surgery, I was called with the results of the pathology report.  Although I had great margins at the time of surgery, the pathology report came back bad.  Now the radiation therapy is more important than ever and will begin shortly.  Gotta heal up first.  Radiation will be twice a day, Monday thru Friday, for about 5 weeks.  Can you say happy holidays... ;-(  Oh well, we will "make it work!"

Keep praying for me!  I will have to go thru more chemo after radiation and some of it will include some experimental treatment.  Dang old IBC is a tough nut to crack and to stop.  My ornery side is wearing thin, but the battle continues.  With your help, prayers and support I will fight and claw my way back!

Day after Surgery!

Last FEC Treatment

Yesterday was my last FEC chemo treatment.  If we are on course, it may be the last chemo treatment I ever have to endure. WOW.  My next battery of tests are scheduled in 3 weeks and then surgery will be 2 weeks thereafter.  I am ready to get this beast cut out of my body.  Dr. Alvarez is very optimistic that the surgery should be able to remove all of the cancer. We discussed several testing options before and after surgery.  One of my largest concerns is spread of the cancer.  I must be back to my old self because I asked if cancer was in or around his penis whether we would be doing more testing, he turned red and grinned and called me "very frontal" in that Brazilian accent of his, pretty sure he meant "up front".   But assured me that he is confident. There are small moments of humor in dealing with this thing, you have to take advantage of them when you can.

It has been what seems like a long haul, although I know other patience's have had to go thru much more and for longer time frames. I see them everywhere, both in Midland and Houston.  Some have been getting treatments for years!  I try to get my act together after seeing these guys and to keep the complaints down.

I don't know how the "weak of heart" could ever do this, it's rough.  I would never had made it this far without Libby, Nita, Kelsey, Carolyn, Wana and the rest of my friends and family.  Each one has worked hard to accept my wicked attitude, my sick body and to help me with all matters of the day-to-day.  And some yucky stuff that is NOT on the list of help you readily ask for.  God bless each of them.

I have received phone calls from my old basketball coach, old teammates, from family and both new and old friends.  The get well cards are all proudly displayed and I will be keeping them all.  Even Ruby, my dog, works hard at keeping me active, going for walks and just having general play time. (If I sit on the couch or lay in the bed too long she makes me move!)  All of the friendship and love has made this easier. Thank You All, and please keep it coming.

FEC treatments II and III

The new FEC treatments are kicking my butt!  I really thought that the separation of three weeks between treatments would mean that I would get over the chemo effects sooner and have more energy. Not the way its working.  The second treatment and subsequent injection of Neulasta really kicked my butt too.  Down to the point I wondered if it wasn't time to get live in help here at the house.  The Neulasta is supposed to help with the energy, but they forgot to tell me that I would feel like I had been beaten all over first.  Dr. Carr saw me looking pretty pitiful for followup labs and suggested that we put me in the infusion room and give me an IV of fluids, it was amazing how much better it made me feel.  I was able to eat well for the first time in days!  So we have proceeded to give me fluids when needed and it has made a huge difference.  Although I am still fatigued, the nausea is not nearly as bad and that means that I can stop the weight loss.  Who would have thought I would be down to 135 lbs and the size 8s are falling off of my scrawny butt.

I did get to go to Lamesa and see my Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter and sisters two weekends ago.  It was just a family girl day at my mom's.  We put that beautiful Evie on the floor with her toys and encouraged her to finally try and roll over.  We were like a bunch of old guys when she finally managed it.  We all jumped in the air and clapped like it was a touchdown at the super-bowl.  Wonderful to have the time just to visit with them all and see Evie's smiles.

Last week and the III FEC treatment went well until I came down with a sinus infection. Between sinus infection and another Neulasta shot my Labor Day was spent just keeping my bones moving without whimpering too loud.

First FEC treatment and aftermath.

The first of my three week apart treatments did not go as planned.  Evidently the FEC treatment was stronger than expected and after about day six I was feeling even more fatigued than normal.  After speaking to the doctor and checking temperatures it was decided that I should go on into the emergency room here in midland and have them look at my labs.  In fact I spent 6 days in the hospital mid-cycle for low white cell count, immunities down to zero.  After 5 full days of antibiotics I feel better now, going home just to be able the sleep,  the rest time you get in the hospital in non-existent. Nita came down and so did Sheila with Kelsey, Andy and Evie staying at the house.  Andy did an awesome Job of super mom.  He took care of Evie all weekend including Saturday night so Kelsey could stay all night with me when my fever spiked again.  Nita stayed the first night, the trooper she always is.  The rest of the time  I was better enough to stay by myself at night.  Thank God for Joe Gasse and the soup he brought by, the meals at the hospital are worse than prison food, I survived on What Libby, Nita and Kelsey smuggled in to me.

Glad to be home, have 4 days to get back in shape to go get my second FEC treatment.  Let's all pray that this one goes better and that my immunities stary up enough for me to get out of the house. LOL.

86% down and Counting!

Got great news yesterday after the sonogram. 86% reduction in the size of my cancer in my left breast.  MRI results are pending, but should just confirm the result in more detail.  This is excellent news, all the prayers are working, please don't stop.

My next trip is on August 8th, so I have a breather now.  Maybe I can get to see some of you guys and thank you properly for all that you have done.  Call me and let's do lunch or dinner, I am eating better and have some lbs to make up! LOL

July 13th- Week 14 & 15 of treatment

Kelsey is back at work full time and Evie is doing well at her day care.  We can even remote access the camera in the day care to see the nursery.  Just a little something extra to keep me busy.

July 11th was my last PAC chemo treatment now we move on to the FEC chemo treatments beginning on the 18th.  The FEC treatments will be 3 weeks apart, so I am really ready to get to this part of my schedule.  Next week is also all the Mid-treatment testing to see how the cancer is reacting.  I hope that the MRI shows that we have blasted the crap out of it! ;-)

I'm still taking about a 3 to 4 hour nap everyday.  But must be feeling better, used the "f" bomb today for the first time in awhile, a sure sign that I am getting back to my old self! LOL

Thank you to all the folks that have called, cooked and prayed for me.  It's all working, so don't stop.

Getting back on Track!

Week 13 of treatment sees me back on track with my chemo treatments.  Since my two week "vacation" this week was the 11th infusion with two more to go on the protocol and then I can begin the four treatments of the FEC infusions that fall at 3 week intervals.  They tell me that the FEC infusions are a walk in the park, so I am looking forward to finishing the protocol treatments and moving on. Between the change in the treatments, I will have a complete battery of tests to evaluate my progress.  All looks good so far.

I feel stronger this week, strong enough to be bored yet still weak enough to know not to over do.  A walk around the block today was my big accomplishment and doing some work over the phone just sucked the rest of the life right out of me in time for a three hour nap.  Now that the family feels that I am well enough to be on my own, I realize how much company my care-givers were.   Libby took me to dinner last night and it was good to see that my appetite is working.  The loss of over 28 pounds is making all my clothes just hang on my frame and I am working at having at least two protein milkshakes a day on top of my regular meals.

Since Ruby is still at "Cousin Chili's" for summer camp, it is pretty quite around here.  I miss her, but at the same time I know that I still have a way to go to be up to having her back home. Maybe by the weekend we can try to have her home! She is learning to stay cool by jumping in the horse trough and is enjoying the country lifestyle. ;-)

Kelsey went back to work this week and has taken little Evie with her.  I can't imagine the amount of energy that working with a baby wrapped around your body must take, but she seems to handle every challenge.  Next week Evie will begin staying at day care and I can hear a slight quiver in Kelsey's voice every time she talks about it.

Keep the prayers, letters, cards and phone calls coming!  You have no idea how much they mean and help....

Week Ten and Eleven of Chemo

Well, guess we all know that the old body can only take so much, no matter how tough you think you are. After my tenth chemo treatment, I pretty much hit the wall.  My time horizontal increased two fold and what little time I could spend vertical was in a woozy state of dizzy vs. nauseous to the point of no more work.  I went in with Kelsey for Chemo treatment number 11 having to be pushed around in a wheel chair.  Not a great experience for me or Kelsey. LOL.  Probably the only person touch enough to stand up to the strain, Kelsey has been a life saver.  Saw Dr. Alvarez and he took me off chemo for a couple of weeks to let my body regather some strength.

The two weeks have been two of the toughest of my life.  No longer able to stay alone, Kelsey and Evie have been here day and night.  Having someone wait on you hand and foot has not been the fun it sounds like it might be, but seeing Evie smile and watching Kelsey with her is good medicine.

Not able to work, at all.  What a new experience for me?  I've never been as disconnected and it has had some moments of shock and awe.  The last couple of days have at least seen me get out of bed and out of the house for small moments.  I pay for them by going down for 4 hour naps where people come and go without me even being aware.  Weird feeling to know that you can zone out that hard.

Nita comes down tomorrow for the "change in rotation" for a few days and we are due back in Houston on June 27th.  We will see if they put me back on chemo treatments now or after the big testing scheduled the first week of July.

Week Eight and Nine of Chemo

I met a wonderful breast cancer survivor on the plane this last week.  Visiting with her was an uplifting experience so I want to sent a special thank you to Pisces and her thoughtful inspiration.  Week Eight and Nine have been uneventful, just more of the same, although I am feeling like I have a tiny bit more energy on some days.  I do have to watch not to over do, the next day can slam me pretty hard.  I did learn that while going by myself to MDA might be expedient, it isn't very good for my moral.  I guess I needed to learn that pain shared is also pain that is lessened.  Evie is growing strong and Kelsey is such a good mom and she is working hard at taking care of Evie and recovering from the delivery.  Andy is working hard both at work and home.  The heart of the family is strong with them and I enjoy the "guess what happened today" stories.

Evie is One Month Old!

Week Seven of Chemo

OK, so for those who want a real update on the beast fighting.  Got my head shaved last week, got tired of the falling hair trying to stick to my face at night and combing out handfuls of hair.  Hey it lasted 6 weeks, that's pretty amazing.  Nausea seems to be my biggest fight, hard lumpy feeling in the center of my chest Wednesday thru about Saturday each week.  The meds work but make me to tired to work and work is my best medicine, most of the time.  Just about the time I feel really good, it's time to go another round.

Rash is working on getting better, I look kinda like a pale purple and white spotted dog. LOL  Dove and vaseline are about the only products I can stand to use or smell right now.  No one told me about the smell thing, perfume is the worst but the oddest things make my tummy roll over and my skin is so tender I try to wear only cotton.

Good news, the mouth ulcers are gone, hope they don't come back...

Sundays I fly out, get up early on Monday and go over to hook into the MDA machine.  They take great care of me.  The port is a life saver, just gotta remember to use the numbing cream at least an hour before.  Go back to the hotel on Monday evening and fly home each Tuesday morning.  Eating on Monday is always an IF game and really cold fluids are my friend, especially milk and cranberry juice, go figure.

Blessings abound around every corner, I have had mail, email, calls, prayers and texts from everywhere and everyone.  My family tries to insulate me, wish they would stop that, it makes you feel left out when you need in the most.  Guess that insulation bit is a knee jerk reaction thingy.

Ruby constantly makes me laugh, Kelsey sends the sweetest pictures of Evie, Andy is working too hard, Sheila has assholes to deal with and Nita is still trying to worry for the whole family.  Please pray for everyone in the family.  Cancer is a nasty bastard that effects everyone around you in different ways.  So far, we are all hanging in.

Life and Cake

Our daily lives and the people who touch us are like cake ingredients.  Each one on their own, might not have the right texture or taste of the finished product.  But when the sum of all the days and the people, when added together end up with the sweet taste, just like a slice of cake.  Our lives should be just like the taste left behind of our favorite cake and leave a sweet taste in the memories of others.

I have found in the last 7 weeks, that I have a very sweet life with the cake that others share with me of their lives.  So many people care, it is astounding.  Many are praying, some do things and others just give good moral support.  But all of my friends have added to my "cake" with many sweet flavors and texture.

Kelsey was in the hospital over the weekend, she had an infection that got the best of her for a few days.  She hated being away from Evie and worried about her constantly.  Evie had three adults and a pediatric nurse at her beck and call, so she was fine.  As a parent, one of the hard lessons is to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first in the event of a plane crash.  Our instinct is to do for our children and loved ones first.  But, I am learning the hard way, that if I do not take care of "me", then there is no one left to take care of those I love.  Well, maybe not no one, but you get the idea.  Besides, I am a control freak and no one can do it the way I can. ;-)

So, the lesson for today:  Enjoy the "cake" of your life AND Take care of  "insert your name here".  After you do that, then you can worry about everyone else.

Who is the fairest of them all? EVIE, that's who!

In a baby's life, one week makes a huge difference!

not even fussy during her Dr's visit!

Nausea vs. Yakking

Did you know that there is a difference between Nausea and Vomiting?  No now seriously, did you know?  I haven’t been taking my nausea medication because I never really got so sick during the week or treatment days to be vomiting.  Well, it turns out that the cold hard knot in the middle of my chest that felt like a 5 lb weight on my ribs (or a belch you can’t work up or down) is nausea.  Who Knew?  Kinda reminds me of that nasty cream of wheat my MaMaw Dennis used to try to get me to eat.  Lumps, who can swallow lumps??  

Well, with taking the anti-nausea meds, the new anti-itch (wish they also had an anti-Bitch) meds I feel much better later in the week.  Thursday’s and Fridays have always been my toughest days and we dodged that nasty bullet this week just by better medicine use.   Hmmm, learning something everyday. 

May 8, 2011 - Sorry, I'm behind

Sorry to be behind, but new grandbaby has taken up some time since April 25th.  Evie is just awesome and growing like a weed.  Hardly cries at all, maybe that's because we hardly ever put her down.  She is a great source of joy.

Being with Kelsey and Andy this past 10 days or so has been such a blessing.  Watching them work together to take care of their new baby is both a joy and a sadness.  I try to keep doubt out of my head, and most days succeed pretty well.  But, late at night, or when I feeling pretty nauseated, it can be tough not to let the doubt monster in.  

Thank you to all of those that really care.  And I do mean really care, not just mouth the appropriate words at what you think is the right time. In case you are unaware, people can tell.  Most people fit into about 1 of 4 categories.  The first group are the ones that care, I mean really care, go out on a limb do anything you need care.  The second group is the “we want to care group,” they try to say all the right stuff, but it just falls flat and they just can’t seem to muster up more words or deeds, good intentions do not make good deeds.  The third and forth group are almost the same except the third group is frozen in place where the forth guys actually look at you like you might be giving them your disease by just looking at them.  They just wait for the best time to run away from you.  Cancer will really show you who your friends are.  It’s a little like knowing who will come to your funeral when you die and what their reason for showing up will be.  

When we lost Bud, it was hard, nearly took me to my knees again. Losing Ray was one of the hardest things I have ever had to handle. Right up there with my Dad.  Bud’s was just as tough, because we all relied on the advice we gave and the love we all shared with each other.  I’m not talking about the “hearts and flowers”, smackie face and huggie bear kind of love.  I’m talking about deep-rooted respect the kind that comes from watching the way someone handles things for years. Both professional and personal respect.  Most of you know me, but what you may not realize is that the true respect I have for people is a little on the skimpy side.  I have a select few in my life that I have placed in that area of complete trust and respect, Ray and Bud were both on that shelf.  That shelf is small and getting smaller every day.  Very few new members have joined the ranks in the past 20 years and the shelf is beginning to get rather bare.  That’s the ache, that’s the sadness.  True good, go to the bone for you friends are scarce.  We wander around in life and think that we have “enough” money,  “enough” time, “enough” love, “enough” friends.  We never have enough friends, trust me, they thin out when time calls their name to hclp. 

I am so glad that I have taken the time to love the many folks I have had in my life, both the good ones and the bad ones.  I thank God everyday for the new people I am meeting that take my rough exterior and see down to the bigger heart.  I praise the Lord that “old” friends just refuse to let go and bug me so that we stay in touch.

I guess watching Evie grow over the last 10 days has reminded me of the miracle that is life.  10 days do not make a life, but those same 10 days can be life changing.  Don’t stand for enough when it comes to people.  More friends, good honest ones, are always welcome.