Evie is One Month Old!

Week Seven of Chemo

OK, so for those who want a real update on the beast fighting.  Got my head shaved last week, got tired of the falling hair trying to stick to my face at night and combing out handfuls of hair.  Hey it lasted 6 weeks, that's pretty amazing.  Nausea seems to be my biggest fight, hard lumpy feeling in the center of my chest Wednesday thru about Saturday each week.  The meds work but make me to tired to work and work is my best medicine, most of the time.  Just about the time I feel really good, it's time to go another round.

Rash is working on getting better, I look kinda like a pale purple and white spotted dog. LOL  Dove and vaseline are about the only products I can stand to use or smell right now.  No one told me about the smell thing, perfume is the worst but the oddest things make my tummy roll over and my skin is so tender I try to wear only cotton.

Good news, the mouth ulcers are gone, hope they don't come back...

Sundays I fly out, get up early on Monday and go over to hook into the MDA machine.  They take great care of me.  The port is a life saver, just gotta remember to use the numbing cream at least an hour before.  Go back to the hotel on Monday evening and fly home each Tuesday morning.  Eating on Monday is always an IF game and really cold fluids are my friend, especially milk and cranberry juice, go figure.

Blessings abound around every corner, I have had mail, email, calls, prayers and texts from everywhere and everyone.  My family tries to insulate me, wish they would stop that, it makes you feel left out when you need in the most.  Guess that insulation bit is a knee jerk reaction thingy.

Ruby constantly makes me laugh, Kelsey sends the sweetest pictures of Evie, Andy is working too hard, Sheila has assholes to deal with and Nita is still trying to worry for the whole family.  Please pray for everyone in the family.  Cancer is a nasty bastard that effects everyone around you in different ways.  So far, we are all hanging in.

Life and Cake

Our daily lives and the people who touch us are like cake ingredients.  Each one on their own, might not have the right texture or taste of the finished product.  But when the sum of all the days and the people, when added together end up with the sweet taste, just like a slice of cake.  Our lives should be just like the taste left behind of our favorite cake and leave a sweet taste in the memories of others.

I have found in the last 7 weeks, that I have a very sweet life with the cake that others share with me of their lives.  So many people care, it is astounding.  Many are praying, some do things and others just give good moral support.  But all of my friends have added to my "cake" with many sweet flavors and texture.

Kelsey was in the hospital over the weekend, she had an infection that got the best of her for a few days.  She hated being away from Evie and worried about her constantly.  Evie had three adults and a pediatric nurse at her beck and call, so she was fine.  As a parent, one of the hard lessons is to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first in the event of a plane crash.  Our instinct is to do for our children and loved ones first.  But, I am learning the hard way, that if I do not take care of "me", then there is no one left to take care of those I love.  Well, maybe not no one, but you get the idea.  Besides, I am a control freak and no one can do it the way I can. ;-)

So, the lesson for today:  Enjoy the "cake" of your life AND Take care of  "insert your name here".  After you do that, then you can worry about everyone else.

Who is the fairest of them all? EVIE, that's who!

In a baby's life, one week makes a huge difference!

not even fussy during her Dr's visit!

Nausea vs. Yakking

Did you know that there is a difference between Nausea and Vomiting?  No now seriously, did you know?  I haven’t been taking my nausea medication because I never really got so sick during the week or treatment days to be vomiting.  Well, it turns out that the cold hard knot in the middle of my chest that felt like a 5 lb weight on my ribs (or a belch you can’t work up or down) is nausea.  Who Knew?  Kinda reminds me of that nasty cream of wheat my MaMaw Dennis used to try to get me to eat.  Lumps, who can swallow lumps??  

Well, with taking the anti-nausea meds, the new anti-itch (wish they also had an anti-Bitch) meds I feel much better later in the week.  Thursday’s and Fridays have always been my toughest days and we dodged that nasty bullet this week just by better medicine use.   Hmmm, learning something everyday. 

May 8, 2011 - Sorry, I'm behind

Sorry to be behind, but new grandbaby has taken up some time since April 25th.  Evie is just awesome and growing like a weed.  Hardly cries at all, maybe that's because we hardly ever put her down.  She is a great source of joy.

Being with Kelsey and Andy this past 10 days or so has been such a blessing.  Watching them work together to take care of their new baby is both a joy and a sadness.  I try to keep doubt out of my head, and most days succeed pretty well.  But, late at night, or when I feeling pretty nauseated, it can be tough not to let the doubt monster in.  

Thank you to all of those that really care.  And I do mean really care, not just mouth the appropriate words at what you think is the right time. In case you are unaware, people can tell.  Most people fit into about 1 of 4 categories.  The first group are the ones that care, I mean really care, go out on a limb do anything you need care.  The second group is the “we want to care group,” they try to say all the right stuff, but it just falls flat and they just can’t seem to muster up more words or deeds, good intentions do not make good deeds.  The third and forth group are almost the same except the third group is frozen in place where the forth guys actually look at you like you might be giving them your disease by just looking at them.  They just wait for the best time to run away from you.  Cancer will really show you who your friends are.  It’s a little like knowing who will come to your funeral when you die and what their reason for showing up will be.  

When we lost Bud, it was hard, nearly took me to my knees again. Losing Ray was one of the hardest things I have ever had to handle. Right up there with my Dad.  Bud’s was just as tough, because we all relied on the advice we gave and the love we all shared with each other.  I’m not talking about the “hearts and flowers”, smackie face and huggie bear kind of love.  I’m talking about deep-rooted respect the kind that comes from watching the way someone handles things for years. Both professional and personal respect.  Most of you know me, but what you may not realize is that the true respect I have for people is a little on the skimpy side.  I have a select few in my life that I have placed in that area of complete trust and respect, Ray and Bud were both on that shelf.  That shelf is small and getting smaller every day.  Very few new members have joined the ranks in the past 20 years and the shelf is beginning to get rather bare.  That’s the ache, that’s the sadness.  True good, go to the bone for you friends are scarce.  We wander around in life and think that we have “enough” money,  “enough” time, “enough” love, “enough” friends.  We never have enough friends, trust me, they thin out when time calls their name to hclp. 

I am so glad that I have taken the time to love the many folks I have had in my life, both the good ones and the bad ones.  I thank God everyday for the new people I am meeting that take my rough exterior and see down to the bigger heart.  I praise the Lord that “old” friends just refuse to let go and bug me so that we stay in touch.

I guess watching Evie grow over the last 10 days has reminded me of the miracle that is life.  10 days do not make a life, but those same 10 days can be life changing.  Don’t stand for enough when it comes to people.  More friends, good honest ones, are always welcome.