Sorry to be behind, but new grandbaby has taken up some time since April 25th. Evie is just awesome and growing like a weed. Hardly cries at all, maybe that's because we hardly ever put her down. She is a great source of joy.
Being with Kelsey and Andy this past 10 days or so has been such a blessing. Watching them work together to take care of their new baby is both a joy and a sadness. I try to keep doubt out of my head, and most days succeed pretty well. But, late at night, or when I feeling pretty nauseated, it can be tough not to let the doubt monster in.
Thank you to all of those that really care. And I do mean really care, not just mouth the appropriate words at what you think is the right time. In case you are unaware, people can tell. Most people fit into about 1 of 4 categories. The first group are the ones that care, I mean really care, go out on a limb do anything you need care. The second group is the “we want to care group,” they try to say all the right stuff, but it just falls flat and they just can’t seem to muster up more words or deeds, good intentions do not make good deeds. The third and forth group are almost the same except the third group is frozen in place where the forth guys actually look at you like you might be giving them your disease by just looking at them. They just wait for the best time to run away from you. Cancer will really show you who your friends are. It’s a little like knowing who will come to your funeral when you die and what their reason for showing up will be.
When we lost Bud, it was hard, nearly took me to my knees again. Losing Ray was one of the hardest things I have ever had to handle. Right up there with my Dad. Bud’s was just as tough, because we all relied on the advice we gave and the love we all shared with each other. I’m not talking about the “hearts and flowers”, smackie face and huggie bear kind of love. I’m talking about deep-rooted respect the kind that comes from watching the way someone handles things for years. Both professional and personal respect. Most of you know me, but what you may not realize is that the true respect I have for people is a little on the skimpy side. I have a select few in my life that I have placed in that area of complete trust and respect, Ray and Bud were both on that shelf. That shelf is small and getting smaller every day. Very few new members have joined the ranks in the past 20 years and the shelf is beginning to get rather bare. That’s the ache, that’s the sadness. True good, go to the bone for you friends are scarce. We wander around in life and think that we have “enough” money, “enough” time, “enough” love, “enough” friends. We never have enough friends, trust me, they thin out when time calls their name to hclp.
I am so glad that I have taken the time to love the many folks I have had in my life, both the good ones and the bad ones. I thank God everyday for the new people I am meeting that take my rough exterior and see down to the bigger heart. I praise the Lord that “old” friends just refuse to let go and bug me so that we stay in touch.
I guess watching Evie grow over the last 10 days has reminded me of the miracle that is life. 10 days do not make a life, but those same 10 days can be life changing. Don’t stand for enough when it comes to people. More friends, good honest ones, are always welcome.
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