Monday, December 12, 2011

Cancer Etiquette for Dummies

Over the last 9 months, it has been both my good luck and pleasure to have wonderful friends and family help me.  However, occasionally on this up-hill road, I have met or been re-introduced to friends and family that just don't know how to talk to a cancer patient.

Cancer patients aren't really any different than normal people, we just have a heightened sense and appreciation for our health and lives.   In casual conversations with us, do not immediately say, "oh yeah, my mother/aunt/sister died from breast cancer."  Come on, even a five year old would be a little smarter!  Do not treat us as if we are made of glass, do not ignore us by withholding invitations (if we feel like going/doing it we will, we're not stupid-just sick) and hug us as often as you can.  Don't assume that we don't want to do something, ask us.

If you are not comfortable being around us, the feeling will probably be mutual so just stay away.  If you want to share a few moments with us out of your busy day, don't ask us to call you when it is convenient, just call and say "hey, I have some time to spare this afternoon, are you free to go get ice cream!"  Cancer patients and me especially love ice cream. (or Pie, I would go for coffee and pie just about any time.)  Just call us, we need the input of human kindness most of all.

You need to know the following:  During Chemo, eating is touch and go. Soups, malt-0-meal, ice cream and smoothies are what a patient survives on, when the mouth ulcers will let them.  During Surgery we eat anything we can get our hands on - but we can't drive anywhere or lift even 10 pounds.  Offer to just drive us around and get us out of the house!  During Radiation we will still eat just about anything.  We can do more for ourselves but we are scared that the treatment may not have gotten everything and we need to keep our minds completely occupied.  The twice a day radiation that IBC patients have to go thru is just crummy.  The positions that they put you in can cause a lot of cramping, backache and some short term numbness.  But other than that, the radiation itself doesn't hurt during the first couple of weeks.  I'll let you know if it gets worse/better as I go through my schedule.

You learn who your REAL friends are during cancer treatments.  They are the ones that don't treat you like you have leprosy and will go out of their comfort zone to make you feel loved.  We are humans that are in a battle for our lives, but we need to live today as much as we can. We eat out, go to movies and sleep a lot. Sometimes we want company and sometimes we just want to be still and enjoy the quite.

Go out there and smile at people, hug them when you can, shake a hand and express your gratitude for your friendships.  Treat Cancer patients like anyone else, except maybe love on us just a little bit more than normal, we appreciate it.

2 comments:

  1. Great post. Just know some people are uncomfortable because they simply don't know how to deal with it. It doesn't mean they love you any less or don't care about what you are going through. I've had the same experience from people who don't know who to handle some of the tragedies in my life.

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  2. This is great! I know a few people that could use this advice...sadly, the peolple that need it, are the last ones that will take it! I am a friend of Heathers and so glad you are doing well!

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